The Apostle Paul once wrote, "put no confidence in the flesh" (and by flesh he means his own abilities and accomplishments). Then he continues, "If anyone else thinks he has reasons to put confidence in the flesh, I have more" (then he lists off all of his abilities and accomplishments before he knew Jesus, which pretty much announced that he was "The Man" in his time...he had everything). THEN he says, "But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ."

It's been hard considering the loss of closeness with a lot of my friends here at school while I'm in Peru. When Paul realized that Jesus was real, when he realized that his whole concept of religion and God was way off (even though he was considered a very religious man at that time), he let go of everything because he knew that Jesus was it. He had to let go of friends, popular culture, possessions, status, security, familiarity, etc. to seek after the Truth that Jesus had revealed to him. Even the people who followed Jesus wouldn't accept him because of his past with persecuting them (putting them in prison, etc.). He had nearly no one when he chose to follow Jesus. Ten years went by before he was accepted by the followers of Jesus. I know nothing of great accomplishment followed by great loss as Paul did. And Paul chose to lose it all.


My heart is still being prepared to go, slowly. Right now I am learning to let go.

Last night I was walking back to Nate's place after the coffee shop closed and I decided to wander around Wheaton randomly to talk with God. He told me to "Be still." I knew it wasn't literal, so I kept walking, but I let my mind rest. I thought simply about Him and nothing at same time. Then I was reminded "seek first the kingdom of God." This was a big lesson God was teaching me last year that I needed to be reminded of. As I let myself be in these simple thoughts, I felt peace about things in my life that I did not understand.

As I walked I asked myself what I would do if all I had was my backpack and no place to stay for the night...if I did not have a home. I thought about how it would feel. I started to wonder what the street kids felt like in Lima, where their mind went sniffing glue in the day and while they were sleeping in trash at night. It's something I cannot understand.

I thought about where I would sleep. I found a nice place behind some tall bushes behind a wall. There were still leaves there and it was pretty hidden, so I would have padding from the ground to keep more heat in my body and I couldn't get found and kicked out by a cop or something. Then I thought about looking for a shelter where I could get help in finding a job and getting back on my feet somehow. That would have to happen the next day.

Then I kept walking and took a seat on a bench to "Be still." I talked more with God. Even with the good times, thanksgiving break was hard.

No matter how dark it gets, within a matter of time the sun will rise.