Saturday, September 27, 2008

to be with us


I have been learning so much about how God wants to be with us in who we are as we are. He will sometimes change our circumstances, but He longs so much more for us to know and believe and trust that He wants to be with us completely in who we are, how we are, as we are. He wants to be with us in our fear, our brokenness, our addictions, our joy, our laughter, our dancing, our singing. He wants to be with us. We are loved as we are, in our anger, frustration, sadness, loneliness, helplessness, etc. And it is God who is strong when we are weak, and this doesn't mean that He makes us feel strong necessarily.

He may not take our struggles away, but what is it we really want? Yes, we want someone to sweep in and get rid of our struggles, insecurities, mistakes, and take care of our problems but even more so don't we want someone to tell us we are loved as we are and to be with us in our weakness? His strength in our weakness means that He does not change. Our worrying, fears, hiding, mistakes, hate...won't cause Him to worry. His love is firm, strong,'s staying. He will wait, He will be, He will love because that is who He is.

Like most times when God is really drawing me to Himself in powerful ways I have also been attacked hard at one point. The evil one has been noticing God's work in me lately and has been trying to destroy what God is doing as quickly as he can. I can say that last week I had the worst week I've had since I've been at OMS International. It's hard to face these things while living alone. I have felt very weak and have needed people.

God will help us grow, but He will not fix everything. What we need is not to have all the struggles swept away, but to be able to allow ourselves to rest in Him in our struggles (instead of focusing on them and letting them overwhelm us, which I admit is impossible for me to do sometimes without the help of others). Our struggles (or as 1 Peter puts it, our trials and James, our tests) strengthen and teach us. They prove and strengthen our faith, though the pain is unbearable sometimes.

I can stop seeking Jesus when it gets hard and still have joy without him (and I have done this in my actions). But without him my joy will never be complete, which has been proven to me over and over again.