Puddles

"Who are you?"

2010-09-20T23:56:00.007-05:00

So I was thinking of a series of questions to ask people that could open our minds a bit as to who we are and this is what I came up with.

1 - How many years have humans been living on this earth?

(ok...take some time to answer this)

2 - How many people have lived on earth and are now gone?

3 - How many have pondered life?

4 - How long has your life been?

5 - How big is the earth?

6 - Our universe?

7 - Our galaxy?

8 - All of space?

(pause.........and really think about this. close your eyes for a moment if you have to.)

9 - Finally, in light of all of that...Who are you?

Questioning Love

2010-06-21T13:30:00.003-05:00

As of late I've been pondering love. How to love others and how to love God...and love in relation to relationships and the choices that a lot of people our age and younger are making in that area of life. All of the conversations about who's sleeping with who and so on at the camp have caused me to think more about love (and lust I guess) in terms of relationships. What is the fullness of love? How must it be expressed in order to be true? All kinds of questions.

I want to know how to express to others what love is, how to have a better relational life, because from what I have come to understand it truly is much more beautiful and satisfying than the way I see so many going about looking for it.

Listening

2010-06-02T00:20:00.004-05:00

"When you listen, when you truly listen, it's a form of worship." I heard this on public radio by Gordon Hempton

"People who do not listen are not willing to change. You cannot be changed without listening."

poetic language

2010-05-10T00:25:00.004-05:00

I'm sick of poetic language used to make things look more beautiful or cool than what they really are, drawing crowds of people who, when it comes down to it, don't understand it except that it's cool and that's why they're getting involved, putting on t-shirts and saying "I'm part of something that matters." But their hearts aren't in it in love, but in fad. [Maybe just to get something out of it for themselves.] When it comes down to sacrifice they disappear with their words.

When so many people say, "I want to change the world" sometimes I wonder what they mean and where there feet will go, or how far. So I turn to God and ask for help. I ask Him to do what's good and to use me for His plan. Because men cannot save the world. Men cannot save men from death and the foolishness of society driven by materialism saying, "We'll end poverty." I say, No you won't." I say, "Check your heart and see the hole that cannot be filled by great deeds." Start getting to know great Love, a Love with arms that can hold the world, that can hold all people, that can end poverty and will one day.

Speak with Love and see what He says. See what he says, and do it. Stop following your own exciting or safe plan and seek out His. Your eyes cannot see as His. There's hope in Him, adventure in Him, safety in Him, love in Him. You would know that if you met Him. You would know that if only you knew what Jesus said, and you chose to believe him.

Everyone must face this truth; that you and your organization will end one day.
His won't. The one that Jesus established will not end. We do not have to be afraid or burdened.

His kingdom, government, society, community will last forever...into a beautiful eternity.

Random

2010-05-01T00:40:00.001-05:00

A lot of times I'll use the word random to express that something simply happened unexpectedly. A week ago I had two different people say to me, after I used that word, that nothing was random. These people made me actually ponder randomness more and how much of our future is simply going to happen...

I thought about how I have dreams I remember, maybe tell a friend about, and eventually forget. Then some of those dreams actually happen sometimes a few months later. Sometimes a year later. I never thought about this before, but...what does this say about the future?

I had a friend of mine say that she has that happen to her too, except dreams about the spiritual realm, and that she thinks that God shows us glimpses of the future sometimes. As of now, I think that's a good answer. But still, I hadn't really thought about these dreams in relation to my idea of time and the so-called "unforeseen" future.

Some people say that God works in time with us. Well, He must know what’s going to happen in the future if He gives us dreams and prophecies of what’s going to happen.

And then there are those who use “spirits” to tell the future, and they’re not always wrong. And these "spirits" have been known to be "evil". So what does that mean? If evil spirits can see into the future, then why shouldn’t God?

Loneliness

2010-04-16T00:19:00.002-05:00

...I read that a person who cannot wait in silence to simply be, who feels he needs to continuously be doing something is lonely...

Where is my focus?

2010-04-02T23:24:00.005-05:00

Jesus had no outward look to attract us to him, nothing in the way he appeared to make us want him.

Where is my focus?

Jesus was hated and pushed aside by people. Pain was normal to him.

Where is my focus?

Still, Jesus took our sickness and carried our burdens.

Where is my focus?

The picture that is similar to Jesus' death is of a lamb being taken out to be slaughtered. He was pushed around and taken by hatred and injustice. He was beaten and mocked publicly. And with all this he didn't retaliate.

Where is my focus?

It was God's will.

Where is my focus?

Then, after Jesus went through all of this and gave his life to God by accepting an unjust death, he was given life again, new life and power, becoming what no man could be...a bridge between the souls of men and a life-giving Creator.

My friends, family...anyone reading this.

where

is

our

focus?

The look
The position
The reputation

I've been humbled by this today looking at Isaiah 53. That's why I'm writing this. I wish I wasn't so easily distracted by what fades away. This week I'm focusing on putting things in their place.

Que Bonita

2010-03-05T22:35:00.000-06:00

A man was introducing me to his daughters, son, and wife and for some random reason I said to him, " que bonita ", which means " how beautiful ! " I felt really awkard and wondered, " where in the world did that come from ? " Thank goodness he didn’t take it the wrong way. We continued talking and I was relieved.

Words

2010-02-03T22:24:00.001-06:00

My heart is found in the Creator’s arms resting in the place of perfect peace. No need for shadows to stand for me to hide. [I am hidden under the the wings of my Creator.] No need for great walls to be built to protect my body. Resting in deep breaths and a quiet whisper. No need to speak…

Let go of the fixing in your fingers. Let me fix what’s in the places of your heart. Simply do what I say. Drink deep in each day. Drink in deep the air you breathe. Don’t let time steal from you. In rest and peace you will always find greater life and greater joy.

Mexico City in the Rain (first few days)

2010-02-02T22:32:00.002-06:00

"In Mexico City there are pictures and words staring at everyone passing by asking for attention (graffiti). Though there are bright colors that stand out, dirt seems to rest on nearly everything making it look older and more used. As of late cold has made its home among us in the streets and in our rooms. The only place I can really escape it is in my sleeping bag. Rain turns black and brown in the road. It bangs against the roof and the door asking to come in. People don’t stare as much as I thought they would, being foreigners, but they do stare. Those whom I’ve met have been very welcoming. Old VW beetles roam the streets, most of them taxis. Buses constantly pass, a man standing at the door telling people it’s destination."

(3/20/10)
These were only the first few days. Mexico City was much nicer than what I had anticipated...when it was sunny, which was most of the time.

The people are passionate, as I remembered from my childhood playing soccer with Mexicans until I was in 7th grade. They're vibrant, the people and the culture and the houses.

YWAM 2009 Update (Australia)

2009-12-06T11:44:00.001-06:00

Films and Pictures from Australia

2009-11-11T17:48:00.007-06:00

This film is from when I played for an Open Mic Night at the YWAM Perth base.

It took us 2 hours riding buses and a train and then another 2 hours walking to get to this wildlife park (Caversham Wildlife Park). It was so worth the journey.

Here are a few pictures from the base (meeting area, dining area, kitchen area), the city, and random fun:

Shadow & Light

2009-10-09T02:36:00.001-05:00

Today I sat down to pray wondering if God would really speak to me or not. I felt kind of complacent, but I wanted to be open. So I sat down and I closed my eyes to shut everything out. I asked Him, “What do you want to show me?” and then I waited. A few random things came to mind. Then I saw a picture in my mind of a shadow cast during the daytime from a flagpole.

It was long and skinny and the light from the sun shone on everything else. I nearly skipped the picture, but then remembered that God speaks to us in pictures sometimes and about things and in ways we do not expect. So I continued to focus on the picture in my mind.

Then I felt God telling me, “Joel, you have a choice. All people have a choice,” and He went on to tell me about how the shadow represented the freedom people had who lived in their way without God, and the light represented the freedom people had who chose to follow Him and live more by His understanding, trusting He is love.

The idea was that the path we can take on our own is wide, most trodden, and seemingly to many people, freer. But in actuality, the path that is less trodden, the one that is pursuing God and living with Him as the center and is thinner perhaps, is the path that has more freedom, joy, truth, love, fullness, etc. It’s where the light dwells.

It is that those who live in the light of God’s understanding have this expanse of freedom while those who live by their understanding are limited.

Limited in changing the world. Limited in serving and loving others. Limited in reducing poverty. Limited in helping HIV/AIDS victims. Limited in experiencing a constant, true love.

Drinking?

2009-10-05T07:55:00.005-05:00

“So what is your dream in life?”

“My dream? I want to be happy.”

“That’s good.”

“How about you?” I pondered the question for a second and turned back to face her.

“My dream is to learn more and more how to love God and love others, to learn how to serve other people with love.” The airplane continued to rise. I continued.

“We have so much freedom, me being from the United States and you being from Korea. We have so much freedom, and I don’t want to live using my freedom to satisfy myself. I want to learn how to use my freedom to serve others with love.”

This was about 10 minutes into my conversation with the woman next to me on the airplane. She was 33. Born in Seoul, Korea. A doctor. By the time we had this conversation we had exchanged names, I had learned she wasn’t married, and that she was going to Hong Kong for a 3-day, well deserved vacation. She’s very busy as a doctor and hadn’t had time for a vacation in about a year working at least 6 days a week, sometimes 7. I had shared that I worked with a mission organization and explained why I was in Korea and what I was going to Perth, Australia for (more missions training). She guessed that I was a Christian and I said, “Yes.”

“Have you ever broken a bone?”

“No. Try to keep healthy,” she said in her broken English.

“Well, what’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?”

“Drinking.”

“You like to drink?”

“Yes, how about you?”

“I enjoy a beer with a meal here and there, and wine goes really well with some meals. I’ve felt buzzed before, but I’ve never been drunk. It’s something I have thought about throughout my life though. I don’t think it’s good when we let things take control of us whether it’s alcohol, cigarettes, watching television…” She laughed, and I could see a glimmer of understanding in her face at what I was getting at. I continued.

“There’s a man who once said, ‘Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial.’”

We kept talking and then as the airplane leveled we went to doing our own things. I don’t know what she did, but I watched a film. A few hours later we resumed our conversation and at some point came to this:

“So do you keep in touch with your friends from university or high school?”

“No.”

“Who do you drink with?”

“My friends from work.”

“Have you traveled to many places?”

This last question led to her asking me the same in return. We had about 40 minutes till landing. I started with, “I’ve been to many places since March, but none of it was my plan.” She looked at me waiting for me to continue. “There’s a story behind it. Do you mind if share it?”

“Go ahead,” was her reply.

Over the next 10 minutes I shared my life from how I ended up with the mission organization OMS International when I didn’t want to join, and what happened that led me to continuing with them overseas rather than finishing in April.

She listened attentively as I shared about God’s love in my life. As we continued with small-talk she made a few comments about the way I lived my life and the way I spoke about life as well. I would just tell her that it honestly was only because of God, which was the simple truth, a fact that cannot be changed.

With all the good I can accomplish with my own ideas and direction, God’s ideas and direction go much further in sharing true love.

What I in fact had shared with her was simple, my story. Or as some might say, my testimony. We had a lot of laughs and really enjoyed our time together. It was great.

“So, what is your idea about spirituality?” I asked, surprised at how confident I felt asking the question.

“My parents are Catholic, but I’m not. They don’t force me to be Catholic.

“That’s good. No one should have God forced on them. That’s never good.”

During our conversation at one point she asked for my e-mail. I was so glad she asked because I was pondering giving it to her anyway, but wasn’t sure about it and had prayed God would work it out for me to give her my e-mail without feeling uncomfortable.

Before we parted at Hong Kong airport she said, “If you come to Seoul you can e-mail me.” I said to her with a smile, “Ok, but make sure you send me an e-mail so I have yours. I’ve had a lot of people ask for my e-mail and then never e-mail me, so you better e-mail me.” I smiled and said, “Let me know how your time in Hong Kong goes” as I walked away. She agreed to write and turned towards baggage claim.

I can only thank God for our time together because I was so out of it and tired. I hadn’t had much sleep in the 2 weeks prior and I had gotten a really bad cold the day before…bleh. I had prayed that if God wanted to use me, He would do it regardless of my weakness. Then when she sat down next to me I suddenly felt I should say “hello.”

And that’s where it started.

Cut It Off!

2009-09-15T22:30:00.050-05:00

“As for those agitators, I wish they would go the whole way and emasculate themselves!” (a.k.a. "cut off their you-know-what")

When I read this I was amazed. Paul, a man who met Jesus in a vision, was sharing his opinion of people who were shifting the focus of new believers from God himself to a method of being with God. I can't help but have a love and respect for the way Paul speaks about this issue in the church.

Paul is writing to new believers in the city of Galatia (around 50 A.D.) expressing frustration towards Jewish teachers who are trying to influence them, non-Jews, to live in relationship with God in the same way the nation of Israel has always done so. The particular issue here is circumcision. (now you know where Paul gets his inspiration in writing the sentence above)

In this letter one of his points is, “When you come to know God, don’t get circumcised!” which is a really big statement for that time.

From the very beginning of the nation of Israel, circumcision has been a sign of God’s covenant and a very important part of the nation’s commitment to God (That may sound weird to you, but it’s true. If you’re curious as to why shoot me an e-mail ... if you’re reading this and you have more insight, please let me know : )

The Galatians have been deceived. These new believers are in danger because they are close to removing their focus from God himself to a "method" of being with God. Even though circumcision has been around for thousands of years as an important part of the Israelites commitment to God Paul states that Jesus will have no value to these new believers if they follow it.

How often do people simply join the crowd in Christian communities? How often do people set their traditions and methods of living with God onto others? Who do we serve? God or methods and traditions.

But we can't stop here. If we want to know the truth we have to keep reading. People don't have free reign to relate to God however they want to or however they feel.

God is beyond traditions or methods or ways or laws, even if they've been around for thousands of years. And Paul knows that if people focus on meeting "requirements" and "traditions" instead of on the truth of who God is and what it means to pursue HIM, they will be bound by those things and therefore unable to walk in the power of the Spirit. But there's more. Paul continues by saying:

"For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love."

So what does this mean?

I think God is moving. He’s doing something new for a new people. He's being God (one who is above all things, full of understanding, the essence of true love for all people). He's being personal. This is exciting for me because it tells me that people haven’t reached the end of discovering how to relate to God or how He relates to us. It tells me that He’s not closed by a certain way to live with Him, but open to a way of life with all people that grows out of a relationship with Him...

...based on love, faithfulness, grace, forgiveness and truth.

"The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." - Paul

p.s. -to read this section of the letter you can go to: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Galatians%205:1-15&version=NLT

Water, Atoms, & Something Personal

2009-09-10T08:36:00.012-05:00

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Spirit and body.

I've been pondering these things as of late. The flesh. The spirit.

What are we made of? Is it more than chemicals? Is it more than physical?

I was talking with someone once about an experiment a Japanese researcher Masaru Emoto, did on water. As you may know the largest component of the human body and of the world itself is water.

Well, Mr. Emoto took glasses of water and after performing certain tests would freeze droplets of the water. Then he would examine them under a dark field microscope that had photographic capabilities.

One example of his research is testing these glasses of water with certain music. He took one glass and played positive music for a night. Then he would examine the crystals. He did the same with a glass of water he secluded to negative music. The result was that the water crystals that had been listening to the positive music were symmetrical and beautiful while the water crystals that had been listening to the negative music were jagged and contorted.

He also taped certain words and phrases on glasses over night like "You make me sick. I will kill you." and "Love and Appreciation" and there was the same effect.

It's been said that "from Mr. Emoto's work we are provided with factual evidence, that human vibrational energy, thoughts, words, ideas and music, affect the molecular structure of water."

Re-considering how much a role water plays as a part of all living things, these findings cannot help but cause me to wonder at what is in this earth that we cannot put our finger on.

Humans have been putting their fingers down on a lot of things in science, but as humanity digs its fingers deeper into the foundation of it all, rather than finding the final, solid puzzle piece to creation, they are finding things that seemingly have a kind of personality. (Check out Rob Bell's film called "Everything is Spiritual" to learn more about this.)

There's more studies and findings, but I'll end here so as not to make this too long.

All this is to say that science is beginning to find that there is more personality to the foundation of life than we might think, and perhaps some underlying, dare I say, Person.

This morning I read from Proverbs. The part that really stuck out to me was, "By wisdom the Lord laid the earth's foundations, by understanding he set the heavens in place; by His knowledge the deeps were divided, and the clouds let drop the dew."

[here's a website on Mr. Emoto where I got some of the info: http://www.life-enthusiast.com/twilight/research_emoto.htm]

Fight

2009-08-31T11:52:00.008-05:00

Today I thought about a conversation I had with a Hindu man as I was leaving India. His comment was basically that sharing with others what Jesus shared with us was not something everyone needed, and in fact was more of a problem.

He said that the two things in this world that cause problems and mess with peace are religion and politics. I had to agree.

At the time of the conversation I realized more about how I believe peace can be overrated. I came to the conclusion that I believe that there are some things that are more important than peace, like standing up to share what you know is true (This is only a simply way of stating the thoughts I had at the time…so I understand that some who read this will misinterpret what I mean by these words). Some examples of what I mean carried out are Martin Luther King and Jesus of course : )

Today I considered his words in a new light. I asked myself, “Who strikes who? Who starts to fight?” If you just look at news articles and testimonies it's easy to see that in India and Bangladesh it’s the Hindu people who are violent, not the Christians. The people who I know who have shared the message about Jesus and the kingdom of God have show kindness, faithfulness, peace, love, etc. That is what they live by because God instructs them and the Holy Spirit gives the the strength to do so, even in seemingly impossible circumstances.

It’s Hindu people within those communities (not sure who it is among the Hindu people) who strike out with fists out of fear of having the community broken up by a new belief system that is unfamiliar to them, which makes sense from their perspective. One reason I think there is fear is because they misunderstand the new way of life that the people have chosen to receive and adopt (which is not a changing of their culture, but a fulfillment of true life in their culture). Because those people who meet Jesus and decide to follow him do not begin to live to hurt a community, but to build that community up in ways it could never have.

The one thing many Hindu people in India fear is their misunderstanding about Jesus, what he taught, and how the lives of those who put their trust in him are transformed. They are afraid that what they do not understand will spread and hurt the community because those who meet Jesus cannot help but share about him with others. He is a real part of their lives and they have learned that he told and tells the truth, that he is the Way to life, the Way to communion with God, and power and authority by the Holy Spirit to redeem all things that have been corrupted. It is a fear of the unknown.

Coincidentally, when the Christians are persecuted more, people come to know God (from the side of the persecutors) because they see how the Christians respond, how they love their enemies and pray for them. The Christians do not strike back with fists, but with confidence in the truth and in their relationship with God and sharing the same love that God shared with them. It’s pretty amazing.

So in conclusion, the religious fighting that happens in this man’s country is not the primary cause of Christians’ actions or pursuits. It is something that happens because of fear from the Hindu people in the community. The Christians aren’t fighting for their way of life, they’re living for it. The only thing Christians have to fight is the spiritual forces that try to distract them and keep them from pursuing God and His kingdom.

HERE IS AN ARTICLE OF PROOF WORTH READING

(Actually this is a letter from a pastor, but there are also articles of this massacre)

On Tue, Sep 30, 2008 at 3:49 PM, Joel LeMaire <jmlemaire@gmail.com> wrote:

this is an e-mail sent from a man in India

From Orissa India
URGENT PRAYER REQUEST!
AUGUST 27, 2008
Dear beloved sponsors and friends of GNI,

We have never seen anything like this.

We knew that Orissa was the most resistant and hostile State in India as far as the Gospel is concerned. And we brushed off the continuous threats and harassment we faced as we went about His work.

But none of our staff imagined that they would see this kind of carnage....
And it seems to be totally under the radar of the Western Media.... Let me explain....

A militant Hindu priest and 4 of his attendants, who were zealously going around the villages of Orissa and "reconverting" people back to Hinduism, were gunned down by unknown assailants in Central Orissa last weekend.

Immediately the Christians were blamed. The cry rose up..."Kill the Christians!"
And the horror began....

In the past 4 days, we have first hand witness to hundreds of churches being blown up or burned and many, many dozens of Christian tribals have been slaughtered. For no other reason than they bear the name of Christ.

Night and day I have been in touch with our Good News India Directors spread across 14 Dream Centers in Orissa... they are right in the middle of all this chaos.

In Tihidi, just after the police came to offer protection, a group of 70 blood-thirsty militants came to kill our staff and destroy the home. They were not allowed to get in, but they did a lot of damage to our Dream Center by throwing rocks and bricks and smashing our gate, etc. They have promised to come back and "finish the job." Our kids and staff are locked inside and have stayed that way with doors and windows shut for the past 3 days. It has been a time of desperately calling on the Lord in prayer. More police have come to offer protection.

In Kalahandi, the police and some local sympathizers got to our dream center and gave our staff and kids about 3 minutes notice to vacate. No one had time to even grab a change of clothes or any personal belonging. As they fled, the blood thirsty mob came to kill everyone in the building. We would have had a mass funeral there, but for His grace.

In Phulbani, the mob came looking for Christian homes and missions. The local Hindu people, our neighbors turned them away by saying that there were no Christians in this area. So they left. We had favor. The same thing happened in Balasore.

All our dream centers are under lock down with the kids and staff huddled inside and police outside. The fanatics are circling outside waiting for a chance to kill.

Others were not so fortunate. In a nearby Catholic orphanage, the mob allowed the kids to leave and locked up a Priest and a computer teacher in a house and burned them to death. Many believers have been killed and hacked into pieces and left on the road.... even women and children.

At another orphanage run by another organization, when this began, the Director and his wife jumped on their motorbike and simply fled, leaving all the children and staff behind. Every one of our GNI directors that I have spoken to said: "We stay with our kids.... we live together or die together, but we will never abandon what God has called us to do."

More than 5000 Christian families have had their homes burned or destroyed. They have fled into the jungles and are living in great fear waiting for the authorities to bring about peace. But so far, no peace is foreseen. This will continue for another 10 days.... supposedly the 14 day mourning period for the slain Hindu priest. Many more Christians will die and their houses destroyed. Many more churches will be smashed down.

The Federal government is trying to restore order and perhaps things will calm down. We ask for your prayers. Only the Hand of God can calm this storm. None of us know the meaning of persecution. But now our kids and staff know what that means. So many of our kids coming from Hindu backgrounds are confused and totally bewildered at what is happening around them. So many of their guardians have fled into the jungles and are unable to come and get them during these trying times.

Through all this, I am more determined than ever to continue with our goal: the transformation of a community by transforming its children. Orissa will be saved... that is our heart's cry. If we can take these thousands of throw away children and help them to become disciples of Jesus, they will be transform an entire region. It is a long term goal, but it is strategic thinking in terms of the Great Commission.

What can you do? First, please uphold all this in fervent prayer. Second, pass this e-mail on to as many friends as you can. We must get the word out and increase our prayer base for this is spiritual warfare at its most basic meaning. We are literally fighting the devil in order to live for His Kingdom.

The next 10 days are crucial. We pray for peace and calm to pervade across Orissa.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Please pass it on and help us to get as many people to partner with us on this cutting edge effort to fulfill His mandate: Go and make disciples of all nations....

Blessings!
Dr. Faiz Rahman
Chairman/Founder
Good News India

If you’d like a more recent article of these things, I can send it to you.

The Holy Spirit at English Camp

2009-08-19T04:28:00.010-05:00

A few weeks ago I was asked to help with a 2 week English camp for Korean students (I began helping after one week had passed and when a new group of students had joined the first group who had been there the previous week).

The first day I was there I was asked to lead worship. I had five minutes to practice with the band, which was put together in two minutes with two of the new students who were already uncomfortable in the unfamiliar environment as it was. I prayed for the Holy Spirit to move and just led the time keeping my focus more on God than on the music.

One student surprised me later in the week when I received a note saying "I'm so glad to meet you. First I met you in Monday worship, I feel Holy Spirit come worship." And another girl wrote to me saying "I thank God when you lead to worship song, I could feel warmth in holy sprit." These were students who probably couldn't even read or understand all of the songs that I had picked to play. The day before that, I found another note from one of the people on the short-term missions team that had been formed before I arrived saying, "You have been such a wonderful asset to our team. God took a negative and made it a positive."

I've been humbled to know that even with my weaknesses God is moving and He wants to do things through me (through anyone) that has nothing to do with my ability to do, but by His purpose and my faith expressing itself in love to Him and to others.

Leon in Korea

2009-07-27T09:47:00.001-05:00

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While traveling I was pretty tired and wishing I wasn't leaving the students in Central Asia, so I wasn’t really up for looking around to see if I could help anyone. It was tempting to think, "I'm traveling to begin ministry somewhere else. Why should I look to go out of my way to share the kingdom of God in transition?" Even so, I still prayed that if someone needed me, God would put them in my path and the Holy Spirit would help me share the kingdom of God with them .

When the plane landed in Seoul, Korea I noticed another guy who looked like he was from Europe (the only one). I was already making conversation with some Korean guys I had met on the plane (in English of course : ), but as we made our way to customs I felt that I should introduce myself.

The Korean guys gave me their information and went ahead. I said hello and began making small-talk. It turned out that he was from Holland, had a business in Central Asia, and was visiting a friend in Korea and might be here for some time. His name was Leon.

Our flight was four hours late making our arrival around 1:30am. Because of the time his friend wasn’t able to pick him up, which meant that he had no where to go, no phone, and everything was closed down. Here was God's answer.

I went through customs with him and in the end he joined me and slept in the room my host had prepared for me. During our time together he shared with me about his life and I was able to share about my life and what living for the kingdom of God meant to me.

Today I said goodbye as he went on his way to find his friend. We exchanged information so I hope to see him more while I’m here.

For the next week I’ll be helping with an English camp and then see what else is in the Plan.

"Asked to Leave"

2009-07-27T09:22:00.003-05:00

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I’m sad to have to leave Central Asia.

Basically I was going to help prepare for English classes for the next college semester and prepare to even help teach some at the University. Unfortunately, within a few days the government asked the professor who I was going to assist to leave because they became suspicious about his connections with a large organization outside of the country, OMS International.

In this country there is so much need/desire to keep control of everyone and everything so foreigners are watched all the time (phones and internet are even watched, among other things).

At first, I was still allowed to stay at the University, but a week later, the day after the riot started, I was also asked to leave.

SO, within the past three weeks a lot has happened. I met some of the students and teachers who have met Jesus and began to spend a decent amount of time with a few of them (as well as making friends with other students who could be open to the Way). I love sharing the kingdom of God with others. I was so encouraged by the students’ generosity and hospitality. During my time there I was able to encourage them as they would be losing their spiritual leader, the professor, within a few weeks. He had been working there for 7 years.

I was able to challenge the students toward taking initiative like their professor had in sharing the kingdom of God with others (love, hospitality, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, generosity, faithfulness, purity, self-control…), not to be afraid, but to give their days to the Holy Spirit who is our Guide and Teacher and Helper, and will give us the ability to do all things in Jesus’ name.

Anyway, I plan on keeping in touch with them and see how they are doing when they have internet returned to the province – perhaps in October.

India

2009-05-18T04:42:00.008-05:00

I have seen and learned a lot since I've been here in Kolkata, and I'm not sure what to write.

My heart is unsure of what can be understood unless a person were to enter me and feel what I have felt, see what I have seen, touch what I have touched, and set foot where my feet have been...

My time here has been very good...in many ways.

One of my favorite things to do (and this is a very simple thing) is riding in an auto rickshaw down the road, buzzing through and around traffic like a little fish watching everything around me as it passes by with the Indian dance music blaring from the speakers behind me.

A Few Days Prior

2009-05-03T03:52:00.001-05:00

Today I pondered India. At the moment I feel like it’s so far away, but it’s just around the corner. It’s like a dream. I can’t imagine it. The place is so completely opposite from here. I need prayer for the transition, even though I’ll be with one of my best friends for the first couple weeks.

I may go to the Home for the Dying during the first couple weeks as I familiarize myself with the city.

Fun Videos from Spain

2009-04-22T04:07:00.002-05:00

Eating a whole lemon. : )

Me driving with David.

I've Left Albacete

2009-04-21T07:50:00.003-05:00

I’m on my way to England. My days in Spain have come and are nearly gone.

Probably the greatest thing I learned was the importance of maintaining relationships. I’ve never spent so much time with people sitting together after meals. The family I lived with were so close…in fact, all of the families that I met were close. The best times I had were having tea or coffee after dinner or late at night (after another dinner).

I was also challenged by the people who followed Jesus. They understood that they were not to rely on the doors of the building to be the church, but that they were the doors. They resolved not to only “go” to the social gathering of believers, to only be fed once a week, but to begin to learn to walk as Jesus did in the streets, at work, etc. Many of them understand the power of God’s love and are carrying that into their communities. And it’s really hard ground in Spain. Most people don’t care whatsoever about what Jesus taught.

I’ve learned other things as well, like talking in my sleep, not only in English, but also in Spanish. I also have begun to think in Spanish more. Granted, I’m still not awesome at Spanish, but it’s getting better.

I’ve been thinking about brother Lawrence (reading "The Practice of the Presence of God) and his life and how he lived and I’m baffled by him even when I read part of a page. I pray that God will help me to let go of all that I’m holding onto because I can’t seem to do it out of my own will, even though I know that what He offers cannot even be expressed in words. I think part of my journey will need to be growing in who I am as an individual.

At one point I wrote in my journal, “Sometimes it's better to simply enjoy life rather than always trying to "live" it. I struggle with this.” I am learning to simply enjoy what I have, where I am, etc. I don’t always have to be trying to learn more, do more, etc. I need to practice resting in who I am and where I am.

Family In Spain

2009-04-16T10:46:00.005-05:00

I love my family in Spain. They really enjoy joking around with me.

One thing I always joke around with Gardenia (my mom) is that I always smell good. She knows I don't shower every day and so earlier this morning, when she gave me a thermometer to put in my armpit to see if I had a fever I told her not to worry, that it would smell wonderful once I was done using it. She laughed so hard.

Even now, I was just saying I needed a shower and Gardenia (my house mom) said, "Yes, you should!" And then I said, "Not because of any smell. It smells good. Only because of my hair."

They also laugh at me a lot when I'm tired because I don't make a lot of sense (especially in Spanish) and I act more like a little kid. They get such a kick out of my attempts to speak sometimes.

2009-04-16T10:31:00.004-05:00

It doesn't seem that there are any absolutes in life.

One thing I do know, all evil was once good and we must simply find where the evil originated and bring it back to its state where it was once good.

Luis

2009-04-08T10:33:00.008-05:00

Luis, now 27 and married with a son, used to be a leader in the streets of Albacete. He took a lot of drugs, drank alcohol, and fought a lot. Before he came to Spain he claimed faith in God. When he arrived from Ecuador two years ago he began rebelling. But even with his back turned, God didn’t give up on him. Now, since he has returned to God's arms and cut off his drug addiction he spends much of his life in the places he left behind to share the same life he has received with youth who are in the same place he once was.

Luis has explained to me that the youth live with their families, but hang out in the streets most of the time with drugs, alcohol, and sex as their salvation, their life.

Luis and I drive around to their hang-out spots (usually in parks or on side streets), and Luis talks with them. I say Luis talks with them because I just stand there. The Spanish in Spain is different from Latin American Spanish so it’s even harder for me to communicate with the youth than it is with my family or Luis, which isn’t always easy in itself. So I stand, listen, and pray.

This past week Luis had four guys over to his apartment. These guys knew him before and after his change and he’s been sharing, little by little, the grace of God with them. They’ve never been ready to accept, but that day, after watching a film called “The Switchblade and the Cross,” as I sat there sitting, listening, and praying things were different. After some discussion three of them chose to follow Jesus. Luis and I prayed for them and since then have talked with them some more.

"Yes, I like the food."

2009-04-08T10:32:00.004-05:00

When visiting people in another country I am always asked if I like the country, if I like the weather, if I like this food or that food…even multiple times in one sitting. The people are always wondering what I think of their culture, where they live, what they eat.

This past meal I had I was asked at least 10 times if I liked the food. This is normal.

Presence

2009-04-08T10:29:00.004-05:00

Lately, I don’t feel like the presence of God permeates throughout my day. In fact, I think I act as though I don’t have time to really be with God. After I pray, I forget Him…I try not to. I feel like something’s wrong, but I’m not sure what it is. I’m so easily distracted by things of this world.

It’s like I don’t know how to be with God.

I recently read my mom's words from when I was a child with my twin sister. For me, walking became more natural than my twin sister. But as we came to an age where both of us could walk, I was more timid than she was in taking on challenges, like going down a stair.

Even though I was better and running and walking I would walk up to the edge, turn around, and shimmy over it backwards because I was afraid of falling. She would run and jump.

I think this also happens to me in my relationship with God. I often go slowly to make sure I don't fall, even though I have the capability to run and jump.

I Am Mr. Torro

2009-04-04T10:31:00.000-05:00

During the night, Monday the 6th, the family gave me the keys to the car after attending a church service. We drove around the city a bit and looked at some things and then returned home. We’re getting to know each other more and more each day.

To say “straight” here you say the word “torrecto”. I kept forgetting what the word was when asking for direction and would say “torro”, which is for a bull fight. In the end there were a lot of laughs and I received the nickname Mr. Torro : )

(The follow video is of my first day in Spain)

(This is a fun update of me in a park last week)

Back to Kissing...And Other Things

2009-04-04T10:28:00.000-05:00

I forgot about the way to greet women in the Spanish culture until my host’s daughter walked in the room. She went right up to me, bent forward and kissed me on each cheek (more like a cheek to cheek kiss). I remembered this greeting about the time her face was three inches from mine, and even then I wasn’t prepared for the double-sided greeting. In Peru it was only one cheek, but here in Spain it’s both.

Onto Other Cultural Stuff...

On my first day in Spain David, my host, explained the very different daily schedule that people in Spain have. Generally, the workday starts around nine, though some start at eight and still others at ten or eleven. This means they work till later at night.

We usually have breakfast between 10:30 and 12:30pm. Then we do some stuff. Then we have lunch around 3 or 4pm. Then we have dinner at 8ish. Then we have another meal around 11 or even later sometimes. After meals we usually have tea or coffee and sit and talk. I really like that part of the culture because we actually take time to slow down and be with each other. So yeah...four meals a day, one because more of a snack either during the day or later at night.

Greeting people...

My first day in Spain my greeting to a man on the street was ignored. Robert, a missionary here from the US, said, “It’s very different here from Latin America. People don’t say hello to people they don’t know. And if you do say hello to a stranger, they might look at you with a face that says, ‘Do I know you from somewhere?”

Motorcycle

2009-04-01T14:10:00.003-05:00

Lately we’ve had to take a motorcycle to get around to the building where we’ve had meetings because of some road construction. I really enjoy it : ) I love the fluidity of the traffic, darting through it like a fish in a river.

Whenever I drive in the United States people tend to get uncomfortable because I’m more fluid with the road, generally unpredictable, and more-so aggressive, but that is perfect driving here in Bangladesh. A person here wouldn’t make it if they couldn’t drive like that.

Dance Video

2009-03-30T11:42:00.011-05:00

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So, to raise support for missions I'm filming a video of me dancing in each country and making a list of people who pledge a certain amount (like $10 for each country I make a dance video in) to receive the links to the videos. This gives you something fun to watch and challenges me to step out of my comfort zone to ask strangers in other countries to dance with me on film.

If you want to be on the list just let me know with the amount you want to pledge. Then I can let you know where to send your donations.

(below in this blog and another blog are some other videos I've taken in Bangladesh)

This was the welcome party to the children's home we visited in the north of Bangladesh. They held our hands and led us into the field where they surrounded us with singing, which was awesome : )

This is some video in the last hour of our all-night train ride from the south to the north.

This was a cultural dance some of the children performed for us at a children's home in the capital city, Dhaka.
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Persecution

2009-03-30T10:32:00.004-05:00

We just listened to the testimony of a man (pastor) who had just escaped from an attack of Hindu radicals. Others weren’t as fortunate. His shirt was torn and he has bruises on his body.

Apparently he was sharing the gospel in a Hindu community for the past 6 months. People began coming to him asking to know more about Jesus. Today 180 people were supposed to be baptized.

The Hindu radicals heard about the baptism and disturbed the people while they were worshiping that morning, waiting for us to arrive to be there with them during the service. One reason was because they were upset at what the belief change could do to the unity of their community.

The Hindu men told this pastor, Gotum, as he was talking to them that he would be beaten for each word he spoke if he didn’t shut up. He was pulled out into the street, his bike broken, and was beaten. He escaped then with the list of the people who were there to be baptized, a very important list that if taken by the Hindu men would be very bad for the people there.

Gotum expressed that he believed the church would grow bigger because of what happened. He has prepared the people for this reaction from the Hindu community. They knew they would be persecuted.

Unfortunately this isn’t over. He gave the list to another person in case he was taken by the radicals to ensure they wouldn’t get it because now he may be hunted down.

[A Variety of Responses]

One man from the US talked with the spiritual leader of the pastor who had been persecuted about pastoral care the spiritual leader said, “Don’t worry. We know how to handle this. I’ve been beaten before, and so has that man over there as well. We know what to do. We’ll take care of him.”

Those from the US gathered around the man and were very concerned and compassionate. One of the people in our group from Myanmar didn’t make the persecution such a big deal.

He explained that it’s a part of life. He’s been beaten and had rocks thrown at him multiple times, and it’s normal part of life.

My personal response was kind of like the guy from Myanmar. I had compassion and concern for the pastor, but I knew that he was prepared for it, that he knew it was a part of what he was doing in His own country and he knew that God was with him. So I was interested in listening to him tell the story of what happened and I wanted to encourage him, but I didn't feel like making it into a huge ordeal.

Homeless

2009-03-30T10:16:00.002-05:00

We went around in a circle and were supposed to share our name, where we live, and what we do. When it came to me I didn’t know what to say about where I live. I guess this hadn’t really hit me, that I don’t live anywhere. I don’t have a place that I can call my own. I don’t have a home. I'm relying on brothers and sisters around the world, which is really encouraging. It's like everywhere I go I have family who will take care of me.

My home is made in God’s call on my life each day. My home is made in wherever He guides me. Thinking about this reminds me of the part of the New Testament where the writer of 1 Peter tells his readers to live as strangers in the world. So even if I had a “home”, a familiar place where I lived, I should not place my hope in that being my home. My home is beyond all of this and I will find myself there when I die.

Cultural Stuff

2009-03-30T10:06:00.004-05:00

Rickshaws, three-wheeled motor cars, flipped light switches, little hoses next to latrines, squatty potties, cabotas (men’s skirts)…Bangladesh is a very different country from the United States.

The power goes out fairly often considering it rarely goes out in the US. I was talking with a man on the bus yesterday who does not have internet where he lives in Bangladesh, 20 kilometers east of Dhaka, the capitol city.

Many of the buses run on natural gas, which keeps the pollution down. The traffic on roads is very fluid. It’s less like a road and more like a river. Drivers can drive on any side of the road (generally the left side) as long as no one else is there. Where there are lines, they don’t mean much. There are bicycles everywhere carrying people, goods, etc. They share the road with cars, which from what I’ve seen, dangerous.

The country was once East Pakistan, but in 1949 it fought for independence and became Bangladesh. It used to be all together with India and West Pakistan, but because of religious issues between Muslims and Hindus the British government created the separate countries of India and West and East Pakistan. So Bangladesh is mostly Muslim while most of India is Hindu.

Since I’ve learned a descent amount of Spanish, from hearing Bengali, I have recognized some similarities, which surprises me.

“What?” – in Spanish: Que? - in Bengali: Qui?
“Shirt” – in Spanish: camiseta - in Bengali: camis
“Key” – in Spanish: llave - in Bengali: llavi

I’ve only learned a few words and phrases that have come in handy in my time here. Even my Hindi has come in handy because it’s close to Bengali.

The man who I spoke to on the bus the other day explained the cultural custom of choosing a wife in Bangladesh where the families negotiate before marriage. It is best to have a matchmaker bring the families together and suggest marriage. There is a dowry as well that the family with the daughter must give to the family with the son.

Customs such as using the only the right hand and not touching peoples’ head is normal. People will take off their shoes when entering another person’s home. Sandals are normal footwear, even for businessmen (one of my favorite parts of this culture), though they often wear shoes as well. It is not uncommon for men to hold hands, which I don’t mind either. I’m actually very comfortable with that. I also like the music; and the food...mmmmm, yummy.

Flight to Bangladesh

2009-03-26T04:04:00.007-05:00

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"Patience and perseverance are two words that should be intimately connected in our lives. Together they are a peaceful understanding that God is with us and He is Love." - journal March 25, 2009

I've already learned a good deal simply as I begin this year of travel. This one-year journey that has intersected with my journey of learning to listen to and follow God's "voice" is only a small piece of my mysterious life.

I was thinking about how I was leaving everything familiar behind. I've thought of the people who I left back at home, but there's more to it. I was reminded that this is not home. 1 Peter came to my mind when the author talks about living as strangers here. Understanding this gives me more peace in leaving everything that feels like "home" for this year.

Breaking From Tradition

2009-01-15T16:37:00.017-06:00

I can honestly say that this New Years was possibly one of the best New Years I ever had. Amid all the laughter and dancing, weed and beer, I felt closer to God than I had for the past week (how's that for an attention grabber : ).

While I was there, a something sparked in my mind. I thought to myself, "This is probably where Jesus would have been." I remembered that during his life, some of the "religious people" of his time called him a drunkard when he walked down the street not because he was drunk, but because it was drunkards, prostitutes, and tax collectors, the rejected ones of society (rich and poor) who he spent a lot, if not most, of his time with. I remembered that at one point a "religious ruler" confronted Jesus about the people he touched, ate with, and loved wondering why Jesus was not eating and carrying on with the Pharisees who devoted their life to living perfectly for "God" having, for instance, memorized the entire Old Testament among other things. In response Jesus basically said, "Like a doctor, I did not come for the healthy, but the sick." Looking at his life one can see that he came for those who have needs and are willing to admit it.

Earlier that week I read that God listened to all music (rap, reggae, rock, gospel, folk, country...)...and He didn't focus on the words people said. The author pointed out that He sees everyone's heart behind every word, and His love goes deep for each one. I think this can probably be applied to everything external a person says or does.

While I was there I saw people with the eyes of Jesus rather than the eyes of a "religious ruler." I saw everyone in the auditorium as beautiful. I could feel His love for every individual.

to be with us

2008-09-27T21:36:00.005-05:00

I have been learning so much about how God wants to be with us in who we are as we are. He will sometimes change our circumstances, but He longs so much more for us to know and believe and trust that He wants to be with us completely in who we are, how we are, as we are. He wants to be with us in our fear, our brokenness, our addictions, our joy, our laughter, our dancing, our singing. He wants to be with us. We are loved as we are, in our anger, frustration, sadness, loneliness, helplessness, etc. And it is God who is strong when we are weak, and this doesn't mean that He makes us feel strong necessarily.

He may not take our struggles away, but what is it we really want? Yes, we want someone to sweep in and get rid of our struggles, insecurities, mistakes, and take care of our problems but even more so don't we want someone to tell us we are loved as we are and to be with us in our weakness? His strength in our weakness means that He does not change. Our worrying, fears, hiding, mistakes, hate...won't cause Him to worry. His love is firm, strong, real...it's staying. He will wait, He will be, He will love because that is who He is.

Like most times when God is really drawing me to Himself in powerful ways I have also been attacked hard at one point. The evil one has been noticing God's work in me lately and has been trying to destroy what God is doing as quickly as he can. I can say that last week I had the worst week I've had since I've been at OMS International. It's hard to face these things while living alone. I have felt very weak and have needed people.

God will help us grow, but He will not fix everything. What we need is not to have all the struggles swept away, but to be able to allow ourselves to rest in Him in our struggles (instead of focusing on them and letting them overwhelm us, which I admit is impossible for me to do sometimes without the help of others). Our struggles (or as 1 Peter puts it, our trials and James, our tests) strengthen and teach us. They prove and strengthen our faith, though the pain is unbearable sometimes.

I can stop seeking Jesus when it gets hard and still have joy without him (and I have done this in my actions). But without him my joy will never be complete, which has been proven to me over and over again.

Moving to Contentment - 3

2008-08-28T18:04:00.002-05:00

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What is true blessing? I think many people within the consumerist mindset skew blessing.

I believe it is the gift of not needing to find our identity in looking better or having better things rather than receiving a raise on our job.

I believe it is the freedom from feeling you need more money, food, friends...freedom from fear that Jesus is leading you in a direction that seems “downhill” or on a thinner, less walked, harder road rather than the fact that there was a sale today and you saved a few bucks (when you, like me, might already have a ton more than most of the rest of the population in the world).

I believe it is the freedom to doing the simple, “little” things like knowing, loving, and serving people in their brokenness rather than...I think you get the idea.

Our focus should not be on “the things of the world,” but on confidence and contentment with God and what His kingdom brings.

Paul considered everything (a good name, stable income, respect, being accepted by the culture or religious system...) as loss compared to knowing Christ.

May They Be One - 2

2008-08-12T15:35:00.004-05:00

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Jesus' final prayer was that believers would be “one”.

So I ask “How do we as people separate ourselves from each other? Do we help the weak, the struggling...with our being, not just our money/resources? Do we let charity keep us feeling good and at a distance?

Do we live in the pattern of this world (worried about what we have/don't have, who knows us and how, if people like us, if we look good...) or are we transformed by the renewing of our mind (truly seeking first the kingdom of God (rather than our own) and trusting that what we need will be provided (Matthew 6:25-34) – and I don't think what we need necessarily means a nice house, nice clothes, safe neighborhood...what some might call the "American dream"). Who is missing love? Who is missing food? Who is being pushed under the rug by society?

I ask and hear Jesus asking me, "If you're holding on, are you willing to let go?"

Disturbing the Religious Side of Society - 1

2008-08-05T13:47:00.074-05:00

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these thoughts have been rolling in my mind for some time. this past sunday they distracted me during the sermon, so i roughly scratched them onto a few pieces of paper...here's the beginning...

I used to write "seeking to be His hands and feet" at the end of e-mails I sent people ("His" referring to Jesus). Now I write "learning to be His hands and feet" because I started to actually think about Jesus' hands and feet, where they walked, what they did, what they were willing to do. I started to think about how he lived and what he said, and how he said it to whoever he said it to. I am learning this because while I have the knowledge, it means nothing if I don't live it...so currently God is beginning to teach me what it means to live it, and it is a hard lesson.

So I asked myself "how did Jesus live? " I came to the conclusion that he befriended the outcasts. He loved and defended people who most in society didn't love or defend (and so i ask "who might that be in my or your neighborhood, town, city..."). He touched the "untouchables".

He spoke truth, the honest truth, which disturbed the society he was raised in, especially the overpowering religious part of the society. This makes me wonder what he would say (or have me or maybe even you say) about or to the religious part of our society today...which I can't write without also saying that I think we need to be careful we don't carry our own agenda with our words.

sidenote: You and I need to express Jesus' message, which he spoke with the help of the Father, not our own. And people need honesty, not hate. And even if you do have things to say, you need to consider that there is a time to speak and a time to listen (James 1:19), a time to do something and a time to wait. We need to seek the Lord in speaking. And in speaking, we need humility. None of us should consider ourselves better than others (Philippians 2:3)...but recognize that we are flawed as well, and God is in love with everyone else as much as He is in any individual.

James says that "religion" acceptable to God is that people would take care of "orphans and widows" and keep themselves from being "polluted" by the world (I believe this has less to do with things like smoking, drinking, swearing – the things some religious circles talk about as evil – and more about how we do things and who we are in doing what we do whether we're having a beer, talking about the day, playing a sport, or at work).

I feel there is more to life than "church". There is being the hands and feet of Jesus...together. There is being the Body, ready to speak truth in love, willing to wash dirty feet (John 13:1, 12-15), and learning to let go of our lives in order to truly live.

2008-07-28T18:45:00.005-05:00

James says that every good and perfect gift is from above, but how do we know what is "good and perfect"?

I feel like it's easy to make what we want to do seem as though it is "good and perfect" for us, but perhaps God sees things differently. We need to listen to His voice with open and willing hearts.

Why So Hostile?

2008-07-24T12:31:00.005-05:00

Today a man pointed his finger firmly into the air and told me that "Jesus was the best carpenter ever, so when you work you should do it for him, and it should be your best." Looking into his eyes, no matter how much I searched I did not see kindness or love. He was trying to intimidate me/guilt me into painting his house the best I could, and he did not know me. I listened and tried to communicate that he could trust us with his house.

While I painted I kept thinking about how he treated us. I asked myself, who's to say Jesus was the best carpenter ever? Who cares if he was or not. What matters is that he was loving in all he did. He treated people with kindness and respected people, even the fishermen, drunkards, prostitutes, lepers, tax collectors...and I'm sure he would treat painters the same today. Unfortunately this man did not have the gospel right, focusing more on doing a "good job" in life than on loving as Christ loved.

The apostle Paul once wrote, "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a sounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing."

This man reminded me of how much the gospel has been and can be twisted in the mind of those who have met Jesus, but have not followed him, who have forgotten what he taught.

Jesus said to "Love the Lord your God with all of your heart," and "love your neighbor as yourself," not "do the best you can at your job."

Mother Teresa, a woman who sought after Jesus so much throughout her life, used to say, "We can do no great things, just small things with great love. It is not how much you do, but how much love you put into doing it."

A Final Prayer

2008-06-24T19:51:00.003-05:00

The final prayer of Jesus was that the believer's would be one (John 17). I have been pondering this lately, kind of been challenged by it.

The idea of oneness is something that people talk about, but don't exhibit, including myself, because we struggle with discomfort. To be one we must be willing to step out of our comfort zone.

To understand that you are loved by God, you must also understand that everyone else is also. We are all different.

The initial idea of following this concept of oneness begins with dressing ourselves with new eyes.

I was recently at something called P.A.P.A. Fest (People Against Poverty and Apathy). There were many people talking about issues with not connecting with the poor, issues with people who hide themselves in suburbs and leave the poor to themselves, etc. Some people focused on living with less, protecting the environment (God's creation), learning to live a life in rhythm with God instead of the world, etc.

While some people were in "intentional communities" with the poor and others desiring to alleviate the injustice done to the poor, they seem to cut themselves off from those who live in suburbs and serve Christ in other ways. This happens in the vice versa as well. Not all people do this, but some split things.

I was riding my bike through suburbs and thought to myself "I would never want to live in a house like that with a yard and stuff." It felt uncomfortable now that I had been accustomed to living with less. Vice versa, many people in those houses would say that same thing to perhaps those who live with less. The thing is that this un-comfort keeps us from meeting each other and getting to know each other, though we may be brothers and sisters in Christ. There is a separation.

We must learn to accept each other, to recognize that we all grow up in different places, are in different walks of life with God, are all called to help different kinds of poverty in this world we live in.

It only becomes a problem when we isolate ourselves, when we keep ourselves from being one in Jesus Christ. We must be willing to step out and meet our neighbors to understand the way they live, to reach out to people without assumptions (not including times where there is real reason to have assumptions to protect ourselves...unfortunately we have to do that). We must meet people with innocence and a clean plate for where to place our understanding of them other than where they live, how much they live with, the way they dress, or the color of their skin.

I struggle with all of these pieces of people. It can keep me from engaging people with love instead of fear. Let us seek out what it means to be one.

There are so many more thoughts I have been having about this, but I can't remember them now. I hope that these thoughts encourage you in some way and get you thinking.

Challenge yourself to meet people you might feel uncomfortable getting to know whether it is in your neighborhood or at work.

about peru

2008-06-18T17:37:00.001-05:00

today is a new day
reaching into what was old
searching through pages i've looked at before
trying to understand it all
and knowing i'll never get there

Compassion

2008-05-09T13:20:00.005-05:00

Today I was at the bus stop area in La Victoria where a lot of the boys catch buses to play music on. While saying hello to one of the boys I knew, I caught the eye of a boy I had never seen before.

I felt the need to reach out my hand and say hello, so I did and we began talking.

He shared from his life and I shared from mine, and when the bus I needed to take arrived we said goodbye. What was so awesome about the conversation was that the entire time he never asked me for "plata" (money), which does not happen very often. When I am in a poorer areas of Lima, even if it is spoken like a joke, people ask for money. It felt so good when he didn't ask.

I was wondering at this the other day when Ben and Darcy shared a story with me about their day.

The two were visiting someone in the outskirts of Lima and a boy who was about four ran up to the house where they were standing and started saying "Quiero plata. Quiero plata" (I want money). Nearly every question they tried to ask him was returned with the words "Quiero plata."

Compassion is not giving someone money and watching them walk away, it is entering the life of another. It is so difficult to show people real compassion when they will not talk about their life with you and/or they do not want to listen to you talk about your life. (and often times there is ample reason for this)

It feels so good to be talked with, to be seen as a person and to have the chance to bond with someone.

I was thinking about these stories today, mine and the one from Ben and Darcy, and I realized that sometimes when I have talked with God all I have asked for is "plata."

How can we experience God's compassion if we never share life with Him, make Him a part of our lives by speaking sincerely and listening sincerely. He does not simply want to take away pain. He wants to experiece life with us, the joys and the pain.

He created us to "be" with Him, not to use Him as a means to happiness or a cure for problems. He desires so much to "be" with us.

2008-04-24T21:44:00.001-05:00

I am learning to share my heart and give my heart to God.

Jesus...

2008-04-07T13:35:00.011-05:00

about a month ago I had a thought about Jesus that I wrote down somewhere and I haven't had the chance to write it out in the blog until now. the thought was...

"Jesus didn't come to have huge statues built of him....or for that matter to have pictures of what people thought he looked like posted of him posing in one way or another."

we were going through the outskirts of Lima when I saw a huge statue of Jesus in the distance. that is where the thought began.

in Paul's letter to the Philippians he writes that Jesus humbled himself completely, that while he was God he did not consider equality with God something to be grasped. he did not come for power, or to show his ability being God but for something else...to serve and share the Truth, to share hope, faith, and love. this was revealed throughout his life serving and teaching and when he humbled himself to death.

pictures of Jesus are everywhere in Lima. they're in taxis, on random walls, and in shops and restaurants sometimes with the opposite wall posted with a picture of a half naked woman. (and I ask the question "why is he there? is there any real significance except to have a picture of him on the wall? is he just good luck?")

Jesus came to proclaim a message. he came to begin a kingdom where people love each other, even their enemies, where difference is welcome, where personal gain is placed behind encouraging and serving each other.

He came that people might know who Created them and that they might draw closer to Him and become one community driven by His great love and compassion.

Jesus is not a poster-boy. He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

is Jesus sitting on the wall, some picture, or do we allow his message to become a real part of our lives?

what is important is what is in our hearts, not what is on the wall.

a portrait of ministry

2008-04-04T11:31:00.001-05:00

yesterday i saw a mother teaching her daughter to ride a bike. she fell a lot. sometimes when her daughter fell off she would pout and leave frustrated at her failure, but her mother would be patient and continue to encourage her, believing in her ability to ride the bike. then the girl would return and try again. sometimes she was hurt when she fell, but still her mother encouraged, and the girl would try again.

the girl doesn't know what it is like yet to ride a bike, to feel the freedom of wind rushing past her. she doesn't even know yet if she can really do it. but her mother believes and knows.

would she keep trying if she did not have the support of her mother?

the Word Made Flesh staff here is a continuous encouragement for the boys and girls who live in the street, someone who believes in them. the boys have yet to believe that they can get more out of life, that they can ride the bike and get out of their place in the street. sometimes they try, and they may fall back to the streets, but that's not the end. we will be patient and continue to encourage them to try again. it is hard for them to believe when all they hear is that they are "piranhas" and bad kids by the public, the news, the police, etc.

so we will continue to pray for Richard and the others. it's not easy to try to ride the bike with so many obstacles.

think about it...if you were handed a poor deck of cards in life (lack of knowledge, of how to live life, of how to express yourself in a healthy way, of how to trust people, etc.) and had no support and encouragement (more so the opposite), how motivated would you be to try for greater things? we all need support and encouragement to live.

we are the family, the support for the youth who do not have any.

it's not easy. it takes time. it takes prayer. patience. love.

these were my thoughts yesterday as i sat in a park.
i hope you are blessed by these words.

Pity & Love

2008-02-24T16:07:00.008-06:00

My thoughts continue to be drawn towards my response to the marginalized.

I have had so many encounters that I could write about. I think that what I really struggle with is the concept of pity.

it seems that...

In pity we look down at someone and remain in our position,

In love we go to them and look into their eyes.

I do not want to just give people money, walk away or have them walk away, and then forget them or have them believe I will forget them. I want to hear their "voice." I desire for them to know that I care about their life.

I am still learning how I can love the poor.

Walking From Affluence To Solidarity

2008-02-18T13:45:00.007-06:00

The other day we (the servant team and I) were walking up some stairs from under the road and I saw a man sitting on the side with a sign around his neck begging. I don't know what the sign said because I averted my eyes not knowing what else to do. I didn't feel that I had the option to talk with him partially because I didn't know how to speak Spanish that well and I didn't want to slow down the group, so the only thing I felt I could do was to just walk past him and avert my eyes.

We sat down to write about our surroundings about one hundred feet from him, though we couldn't see him anymore. Rachel was sitting by me and mentioned that she was thinking about getting him a muffin and bringing it to him. To be honest, I wasn't really comfortable with that. I guess I felt like it would be better if we could at least talk with him or something, not just give him a muffin and leave, but build a relationship. But since we couldn't really do that, I thought, 'why do it then?' It's such a small thing, but I didn't know when the last time he ate was.

Rachel went and got a muffin while I kept writing, and then we both went back to the man. As we walked up a police officer was making him move further down the stairs to kind of hide him more so that he couldn't be seen so much. We then walked up to him. Rachel handed him the muffin explaining what it was. As I looked at his face I noticed that he was blind. I took his hand for a moment and said "Dios te bendiga" (God bless you). I wish there was more we could do.

There is so much poverty here. And I feel that I don't just want to walk around giving people muffins and saying "God bless you." I mean it with all my heart and find joy in giving and fulfilling immediate needs, but I want to do more than that. I don't know what to do.

I guess that's why I was opposed to getting the guy a muffin when Rachel suggested it. I want to help him find the opportunity for a job so he can get his own muffins. He is more than a beggar. I understand that immediate needs are important too, but I want to do sustainable development. When I see a beggar, I want to be able to create a program that will educate and train beggars (disabled or not) so that they can find sustainable work or for those who can't work to have a place/center where they can be loved and cared for within a supportive community. Then I can offer something more than a moment of satisfaction. More than hunger met, but also a relationship where they can trust and/or a job where they can support themselves. I want to restore their dignity in the eyes of the world.

I have yet so much to learn.

El Primero Seis Horas (The First Six Hours)

2008-02-15T13:33:00.007-06:00

(written on Feb 11th at 2am...when I arrived in Lima)

Well, I´m here. I live in a yellow room on the second floor facing the street. Light pours through the window. The air is hot, but there is a cool breeze that occasionally finds its way into the room. Ben, my team mate, is sleeping. I can hear him lightly snoring. There is an occasional car that swishes by or a moped buzzing or trucks rattling. The streets are so empty. It smells like...Lima, I guess. I am in prayer for the team, Word Made Flesh staff, and my family and friends at home. This will be my first night. May God be glorified. May He shine.

(7:30am)

I woke up to a clear, sunny day bouncing off the yellow walls and the sound of dozens of different horns going off sporatically....nearly every other second (I don't know if I'll need an alarm clock :)

The birds sing a different song in Peru, when you can hear them.

five days later = today.....

I am in limbo...waiting for what God has planned while I am here in Lima. i don't feel like i have culture shock. I love my host family. They are fairly poor, doing whatever they can to make the money they need to pay for daily living, and are so generous. Sarah has a juice stand connected to the apartment-house-thingy where she sells juice, bread, and other yummy things (she also does other various things to get money). Eduardo does a variety of jobs. Carlos is maybe fourteen (i forgot what age he was), but school starts for him in March (it's summer here right now :-)

They speak very little english, so it's been great getting to know them and tell them about my life in Spanish/little English and hear about theirs. I have really enjoyed our conversations. Last night I helped Sarah and Eduardo put together clothing tags for brand-name clothes (Tommy Hilfigure...) and we talked about random things and laughed and whatnot. It was a great time. I love their simplicity. I really really do.

Learning

2008-01-16T11:31:00.000-06:00

The other day I was talking with a friend about expectations for the trip to Peru and I realized that I really don't have expectations so much as hopes. I hope to learn a lot from those we will be serving (the street kids, the girls from the red light districts...), as well as the team who has already been working there and anyone else I might meet. I hope to let go of and be freed of fears and restraints that I put on myself to step out, to grow in confidence with the words God speaks to me saying "I trust you; take that step."

One big lesson that I am learning lately is patience. I am learning to understand more how much I don't have to prove myself to God, that He loves me for who I am and He is guiding me and transforming my mind, heart, and spirit into greater love, compassion, humility, service, mercy, justice, and truth. I am learning that even if I grow very little, if I seem to never conquer bad habits or selfish ambition, or if I seem to backslide He is there, holding me by my right hand. We are children so greatly loved by a Father of Love.

A Psalm of David has really encouraged me lately...

"If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

if I settle on the far side of the sea,

Even there your hand will guide me,

your right hand will hold me fast...

Even the darkness will not be dark to you;

The night will shine like the day

For darkness is as light to you."

- taken from Psalm 139

in His loving arms,
Joel

Trust

2007-12-29T00:17:00.001-06:00

I began reading “Ruthless Trust” today written by one of my favorite authors, Brennan Manning.

Brennan shares this powerful story about a man planning to work at the "house of the dieing" for three months in Calcutta hoping to find an answer as to how he might live the rest of his life. On the first morning he saw Mother Teresa and asked her to pray for him.

He asked her to pray that he would have clarity for his future.

Her response was “No, I will not do that. Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go of.” After the man said that it seemed to him as though she always had clarity she laughed and said, “I have never had clarity; what I have always had is trust. So I will pray that you trust God.”

Lately, since I am going to be graduating soon from the university, I have turned some of my thoughts and prayers towards finding clarity about what's next in life, especially after I return from Peru. So much will happen in those four months.

Mother Teresa challenges me to consider that perhaps the pursuit for clarity is exactly what I need to let go of, that there is more to life than knowing what's going to happen next, that perhaps learning to trust God regardless of the circumstances is more important.

Loving, Listening, and Holding

2007-12-21T01:00:00.002-06:00

I was talking with a very good friend of mine tonight and Deuteronomy was brought up : ) This reminded me of what I read the other day that was really great, and I have yet to really take enough time to meditate on it, or maybe I have tried too hard to think about it.

It's simple.

First, Moses writes a little summary of the past many chapters and he basically says to the nation of Israel, "I have laid out for you a choice. If you love the LORD your God, walk in His ways, and keep His covenant for your relationship (His commands, decrees, and laws), then you will live and be blessed in all the ways I have described for you. If your hearts turn from His love, if you choose to disobey and you turn to other things to fulfill you, you will be cursed in all the ways I have described. So I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses."

Ok, now check this out. He says "So now, choose life that you may love the LORD your God, listen to His voice, and hold fast to Him."

We are called to love, listen, and hold fast.

2007-12-14T22:00:00.000-06:00

I just got done with finals this Wed. and moved out of my dorm room cause I won't be there in the spring. It was kind of weird. I'm gonna miss people, though I'm glad to get to know the people that I'll be going to Peru with and the opportunity to learn and grow while we are in Peru. This is such an awesome opportunity we have. It just hit me today how much God has given me so that I can bless those who do not have access to all I do since I am from this country of abundance.

I hope I don't squander what I have to build my own world that won't matter when I die. I hope that I will use the abundance I have been blessed with to provide life to others who need what I might squander.

I recently heard that there was a scientific study of 2,400 hours of television to find out what the message of television was? Here's the message. "You are the most important thing on the earth. Your immediate desires are important. Do it your way."

Jesus' message is so much more redeeming. "This is my command: that you love each other."

The main message of the American media to the world is that to be happy we need 'things', that life is about you getting what You want in YOUR world. Does indulging really produce long-lasting happiness? Jesus tells me to love others (even my enemies), to help the people who are in need, to hold the hand of an elderly woman in a nursing home and be with her, to smile at someone and sincerely ask them how they are doing?

May I learn to live by what I need, and to give what I don't. I struggle so much with such a task.

Breathe

2007-12-09T15:32:00.002-06:00

..

This past week was insane.

I handed in one 20 page paper and another 25 page paper and I had a 7 page research paper, plus preparing for WCF for that week (but I like that) and whatnot (I only say this so that you know what I mean when I say insane and in case this week was the same for you so you know I can empathize with you...I know others had craziness too).

Monday I was able to spend time with some friends to catch up and I tried to do work, and got a little done, but it wasn't good in the end. When I got to my room at night I told my roommate and realized that something had been missing. I forgot about God. In all I was doing I simply forgot about Him. I prayed that He would not let me forget again and the next day He reminded me and I spent about an hour with Him.

One thing He told me was that while I am swimming under the water trying to get everything done for school and stuff, that He still wants to show things. He told me to remember to come to the surface, breathe, and look around at the sky.

It makes sense since that taking a breath would calm the anxiety of trying to get everything done 'under the water.' I did remember. That day God gave me such a peace and an ability to focus. It was good.

And I remembered to go up and breathe every now and then to 'be' with Him throughout the week. It wasn't a perfect week. I was not always at peace and I was not always happy, but I knew God was with me and He wanted to show me amazing things, and He did.

So when you are 'under the water,' deep in business, remember that God still wants to show you amazing things. He still wants to teach you to love. Maybe He will comfort you so you can comfort others.

Go up. Breathe. Look around at the sky.

2007-11-28T22:28:00.002-06:00

The Apostle Paul once wrote, "put no confidence in the flesh" (and by flesh he means his own abilities and accomplishments). Then he continues, "If anyone else thinks he has reasons to put confidence in the flesh, I have more" (then he lists off all of his abilities and accomplishments before he knew Jesus, which pretty much announced that he was "The Man" in his time...he had everything). THEN he says, "But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ."

It's been hard considering the loss of closeness with a lot of my friends here at school while I'm in Peru. When Paul realized that Jesus was real, when he realized that his whole concept of religion and God was way off (even though he was considered a very religious man at that time), he let go of everything because he knew that Jesus was it. He had to let go of friends, popular culture, possessions, status, security, familiarity, etc. to seek after the Truth that Jesus had revealed to him. Even the people who followed Jesus wouldn't accept him because of his past with persecuting them (putting them in prison, etc.). He had nearly no one when he chose to follow Jesus. Ten years went by before he was accepted by the followers of Jesus. I know nothing of great accomplishment followed by great loss as Paul did. And Paul chose to lose it all.

My heart is still being prepared to go, slowly. Right now I am learning to let go.

2007-11-25T01:27:00.000-06:00

Last night I was walking back to Nate's place after the coffee shop closed and I decided to wander around Wheaton randomly to talk with God. He told me to "Be still." I knew it wasn't literal, so I kept walking, but I let my mind rest. I thought simply about Him and nothing at same time. Then I was reminded "seek first the kingdom of God." This was a big lesson God was teaching me last year that I needed to be reminded of. As I let myself be in these simple thoughts, I felt peace about things in my life that I did not understand.

As I walked I asked myself what I would do if all I had was my backpack and no place to stay for the night...if I did not have a home. I thought about how it would feel. I started to wonder what the street kids felt like in Lima, where their mind went sniffing glue in the day and while they were sleeping in trash at night. It's something I cannot understand.

I thought about where I would sleep. I found a nice place behind some tall bushes behind a wall. There were still leaves there and it was pretty hidden, so I would have padding from the ground to keep more heat in my body and I couldn't get found and kicked out by a cop or something. Then I thought about looking for a shelter where I could get help in finding a job and getting back on my feet somehow. That would have to happen the next day.

Then I kept walking and took a seat on a bench to "Be still." I talked more with God. Even with the good times, thanksgiving break was hard.

No matter how dark it gets, within a matter of time the sun will rise.